Monday, April 26, 2010
The Subtle Mind
It is interesting how this exercise became such a metaphor of the distractions of my mind. I put the CD in and I was witnessing the rise and fall of my chest as breathed in, breathed out. This was not difficult, it is the technique I use to fall asleep at night but this time I was sitting on the floor and not laying in bed. Thoughts came and I released them, as I do every night. All of a sudden, the CD went from artificial ocean noises into static; sharp and intruding. It scared the daylights out of me! I got up and checked the CD, slightly amused at the irony of being calm and witnessing my breath and startled back to reality, a brutal metaphor of what life has become these last three years. And so, we have our first lesson from the exercise-life is sometimes brutal and in the not so distant past I would have reacted with a bit of anger at the technological failure of the CD and irritation at the disruption to my seeking peace and contentment!
OK, I thought. I don't have enough time to replace the CD and get this assignment finished (goal oriented) and really, isn't this what my mind does when I am attempting to change my thought process? Meditate through it, it will eventually stop. So, I lowered the volume and started the CD over. When the static sprang forth from the CD again I mentally released it from my thoughts over and over. The static kept my mind from jumping around and I was able to bring my thoughts back to the rising and falling of my chest, witnessing my breath. The static continued to the end of the track, until track 4 began. I got up, turned off the CD and took the dog for a walk in the rain.
While I was walking I considered the experience and wondered what was on the rest of the CD. I couldn't listen to it so I read the exercise in the book. "I can do this without the CD," I thought, and I set the timer for 20 minutes, sat on the floor and began again. I was not able to get farther than witnessing the breath. I never found a still place inside of me. As I mentioned earlier, the breathing exercise is what I use to fall asleep but fortunately, I didn't fall asleep! "Our mind is clear, quiet, stable, open, alert,and all-knowing" (Dacher, 2006, p. 76). I want that! I want to connect with the real me!
I preferred this exercise to the loving kindness exercise because it seemed less abstract, more peaceful, more calming. A few weeks ago our blog exercise was about rating different aspects of our lives on a scale of 1-10. My spiritual rating was low, and it still is. Could this be the connection I am missing? I feel like I am missing a connection between the spiritual, physical, and mental. I understand the connection between mental and physical. But spiritual still seems a bit abstract, not quite something I can put my hands on. So, what have I learned? That there is a spiritual connection and that it is possible for some people. If there are people that experience the inter-connectedness, then I know it is possible for me! "An ease and lightness enter our life and cleanse our mind and body" (Dacher, 2006, p.86). Yes, I do believe I will continue to pursue this daily.
Dacher, E. (2006). Integral Health. The path to human flourishing. Launa Beach, CA. Basic Health Publications.
OK, I thought. I don't have enough time to replace the CD and get this assignment finished (goal oriented) and really, isn't this what my mind does when I am attempting to change my thought process? Meditate through it, it will eventually stop. So, I lowered the volume and started the CD over. When the static sprang forth from the CD again I mentally released it from my thoughts over and over. The static kept my mind from jumping around and I was able to bring my thoughts back to the rising and falling of my chest, witnessing my breath. The static continued to the end of the track, until track 4 began. I got up, turned off the CD and took the dog for a walk in the rain.
While I was walking I considered the experience and wondered what was on the rest of the CD. I couldn't listen to it so I read the exercise in the book. "I can do this without the CD," I thought, and I set the timer for 20 minutes, sat on the floor and began again. I was not able to get farther than witnessing the breath. I never found a still place inside of me. As I mentioned earlier, the breathing exercise is what I use to fall asleep but fortunately, I didn't fall asleep! "Our mind is clear, quiet, stable, open, alert,and all-knowing" (Dacher, 2006, p. 76). I want that! I want to connect with the real me!
I preferred this exercise to the loving kindness exercise because it seemed less abstract, more peaceful, more calming. A few weeks ago our blog exercise was about rating different aspects of our lives on a scale of 1-10. My spiritual rating was low, and it still is. Could this be the connection I am missing? I feel like I am missing a connection between the spiritual, physical, and mental. I understand the connection between mental and physical. But spiritual still seems a bit abstract, not quite something I can put my hands on. So, what have I learned? That there is a spiritual connection and that it is possible for some people. If there are people that experience the inter-connectedness, then I know it is possible for me! "An ease and lightness enter our life and cleanse our mind and body" (Dacher, 2006, p.86). Yes, I do believe I will continue to pursue this daily.
Dacher, E. (2006). Integral Health. The path to human flourishing. Launa Beach, CA. Basic Health Publications.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Loving Kindness
This afternoon I listened to, and participated in, the Loving Kindness track from the Consciousness and Healing CD.
I found the exercises to be a little abstract breathing in trouble from loved ones, close circles and the world at large (including people that I may consider an enemy, more about that in a minute). The breath out was to be breathing out loving kindness to those people whose trouble you just took into your heart. It was abstract and difficult to understand what exactly I was being instructed to do.
This was the second time I attempted this exercise formally. The first time was when I read it in the book last Wednesday. Throughout the week I have been thinking of loved ones, my children all grown up, and the struggles they are having currently in their lives. It was informal as in I did not get into meditation pose but as I had a few minutes here or a few minutes there I breathed in their trouble and breathed out health and well being-but what exactly does that mean? The exercises did not go as well as I had hoped and I am not sure what the point of 'breathing in your loved ones troubles' mean let alone my circle and then the world at large, including people you would consider enemies.
Enemies. I don't have any, right? There is one person I thought of- one person that has been on my mind a lot, a person I am tired of renting head space to. So, I considered the loving kindness exercises and immediately excluded her name from the list. Then I reconsidered, what if I could deal with her in a loving kindness type of way, would I then be able to deal with the turmoil she caused completely? I am stuck, I start piecing together what has been ripped apart and then wham! Her name, an event involving her, something smacks me up side the head and I am slipping back into angry Stacy. I don't want to be angry Stacy anymore! So, I attempted the exercises and I named her and I actually thought kind things for her, but....nothing.
I think the exercise is too abstract for me. Maybe I just don't understand loving kindness. I wouldn't be able to explain the exercise to others so I am not sure I would recommend it. I am not finished exploring it, though. Twice a day seems a bit much but I think I will see what I can work out in an attempt to understand.
"Mental training can transform the mind by reducing disturbing emotions that cause anger, hatred, fear, worry, confusion, and doubt while enhancing positive emotions such as patience, loving kindness, openness, acceptance, and happiness" (Dacher, 2006, p.63). Mental training leads to a better understanding of and realization of the potential for integral health, to be healthy body, mind, and spirit. Training the mind to be focused, to listen, to be calm, to be quiet, and knowing and understanding reactions will lead to health. Mental training is a process, it takes dedication, time, and practice as do all things worthy of pursuit.
I think that just because I didn't get it the first few times doesn't mean it isn't worth the effort. Loving kindness is a quality that is worth seeking and it makes sense that what is in me is what comes out of me and if I can replace the ugliness with loving kindness, or even the possibility that I can replace it makes it worth the effort, worth the time slot in my date book.
Dacher, E. (2006). Integral Health. The path to human flourishing. Laguna Beach, CA. Basic Health Publications.
Peace and Grace to all who took the time to read my blog today-
Stacy
I found the exercises to be a little abstract breathing in trouble from loved ones, close circles and the world at large (including people that I may consider an enemy, more about that in a minute). The breath out was to be breathing out loving kindness to those people whose trouble you just took into your heart. It was abstract and difficult to understand what exactly I was being instructed to do.
This was the second time I attempted this exercise formally. The first time was when I read it in the book last Wednesday. Throughout the week I have been thinking of loved ones, my children all grown up, and the struggles they are having currently in their lives. It was informal as in I did not get into meditation pose but as I had a few minutes here or a few minutes there I breathed in their trouble and breathed out health and well being-but what exactly does that mean? The exercises did not go as well as I had hoped and I am not sure what the point of 'breathing in your loved ones troubles' mean let alone my circle and then the world at large, including people you would consider enemies.
Enemies. I don't have any, right? There is one person I thought of- one person that has been on my mind a lot, a person I am tired of renting head space to. So, I considered the loving kindness exercises and immediately excluded her name from the list. Then I reconsidered, what if I could deal with her in a loving kindness type of way, would I then be able to deal with the turmoil she caused completely? I am stuck, I start piecing together what has been ripped apart and then wham! Her name, an event involving her, something smacks me up side the head and I am slipping back into angry Stacy. I don't want to be angry Stacy anymore! So, I attempted the exercises and I named her and I actually thought kind things for her, but....nothing.
I think the exercise is too abstract for me. Maybe I just don't understand loving kindness. I wouldn't be able to explain the exercise to others so I am not sure I would recommend it. I am not finished exploring it, though. Twice a day seems a bit much but I think I will see what I can work out in an attempt to understand.
"Mental training can transform the mind by reducing disturbing emotions that cause anger, hatred, fear, worry, confusion, and doubt while enhancing positive emotions such as patience, loving kindness, openness, acceptance, and happiness" (Dacher, 2006, p.63). Mental training leads to a better understanding of and realization of the potential for integral health, to be healthy body, mind, and spirit. Training the mind to be focused, to listen, to be calm, to be quiet, and knowing and understanding reactions will lead to health. Mental training is a process, it takes dedication, time, and practice as do all things worthy of pursuit.
I think that just because I didn't get it the first few times doesn't mean it isn't worth the effort. Loving kindness is a quality that is worth seeking and it makes sense that what is in me is what comes out of me and if I can replace the ugliness with loving kindness, or even the possibility that I can replace it makes it worth the effort, worth the time slot in my date book.
Dacher, E. (2006). Integral Health. The path to human flourishing. Laguna Beach, CA. Basic Health Publications.
Peace and Grace to all who took the time to read my blog today-
Stacy
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Mind Body Connection
Reflecting on my well being in the areas of physical, spiritual, and psychological is not an easy task. On any given day each area may be better or worse than the day before. I am in a challenging time in my life, I feel like I have been riding a roller coaster for several years and just got off. The ground I am walking on may be steady but my legs are still shaking! Today, this is how I would rate the three areas and include the following goals.
Physical- I will give this a 6 today. I feel great physically, no aches or pains and I am building a physical discipline into my daily routine. But, I am not eating well-I have not been hardly eating at all. It upsets my stomach and seems easier to skip it than force it. I have been smoking again. It is easier to calm my brain with nicotine than to deal with the constant ruminations of my mind. Maybe a 6 is a bit optimistic, but I will leave it there. My physical goal is to move deliberately everyday instead of in spurts or when the feeling hits me. To become disciplined, to have a greater control over my physical health. To achieve this goal, this week, I am joining the Y-I have checked out their facilities and I am planning on attending yoga to add actual instruction to my practice and they have a pool for swimming laps. The smoking is heavy on my mind but I am not ready to deal with that yet and as for eating, well, I do what I can right now and I am not under weight (lol) so that will work itself out as I work out the areas below. I am not at risk for an eating disorder, that is psychological and my eating habits are a physical problem due to ulcers I developed over a long period of a difficult relationship.
Spiritual- Today I will rate this a 7. I am seeing and believing more external energy that surrounds me everyday. I have become quiet, reflective. It is a good place to be and as I become more disciplined in meditative practices, I will find peace. My goal is to be more disciplined in meditation. To be quiet every day and listen to what is going on in order to connect with the external energy that surrounds me.
Psychological-rates a 4 for today. I have had a couple of difficult days and am spending a lot of time trying to re-frame what it is instead of what it isn't. I have wasted a lot of time defining things by what they are not and I am feeling like I have lost days, months, and years not enjoying what it is! My goal is to move forward-I cannot change what happened but I can choice to live in the present and look forward to the future. The short term version, something measurable for this week, this month, is to acknowledge the intense feelings from the past as they arise but to ever so gently remind them that they belong in the past. The feelings and experiences have shaped who I am today but they by no means define me. Journaling helps a lot with my psychological life-I can get the negative out and re-frame it and I am able to pinpoint areas that need perspective. It is all about perspective!
The relaxation exercise was awesome. Earlier this week I spent some time trying to open my root chakra and as I was reflecting on becoming grounded in my new life I was trying to remember some of the other chakras. The exercise reminded me what they are and also reinforced the root chakra for me. I have had my roots of 24 years ripped out of the ground and I am ready to establish new ones. For now, I will concentrate on the root chakra and work my way upwards one day at a time.
Enjoy your week, may you have many moments of joy and inspiration!
Stacy
Physical- I will give this a 6 today. I feel great physically, no aches or pains and I am building a physical discipline into my daily routine. But, I am not eating well-I have not been hardly eating at all. It upsets my stomach and seems easier to skip it than force it. I have been smoking again. It is easier to calm my brain with nicotine than to deal with the constant ruminations of my mind. Maybe a 6 is a bit optimistic, but I will leave it there. My physical goal is to move deliberately everyday instead of in spurts or when the feeling hits me. To become disciplined, to have a greater control over my physical health. To achieve this goal, this week, I am joining the Y-I have checked out their facilities and I am planning on attending yoga to add actual instruction to my practice and they have a pool for swimming laps. The smoking is heavy on my mind but I am not ready to deal with that yet and as for eating, well, I do what I can right now and I am not under weight (lol) so that will work itself out as I work out the areas below. I am not at risk for an eating disorder, that is psychological and my eating habits are a physical problem due to ulcers I developed over a long period of a difficult relationship.
Spiritual- Today I will rate this a 7. I am seeing and believing more external energy that surrounds me everyday. I have become quiet, reflective. It is a good place to be and as I become more disciplined in meditative practices, I will find peace. My goal is to be more disciplined in meditation. To be quiet every day and listen to what is going on in order to connect with the external energy that surrounds me.
Psychological-rates a 4 for today. I have had a couple of difficult days and am spending a lot of time trying to re-frame what it is instead of what it isn't. I have wasted a lot of time defining things by what they are not and I am feeling like I have lost days, months, and years not enjoying what it is! My goal is to move forward-I cannot change what happened but I can choice to live in the present and look forward to the future. The short term version, something measurable for this week, this month, is to acknowledge the intense feelings from the past as they arise but to ever so gently remind them that they belong in the past. The feelings and experiences have shaped who I am today but they by no means define me. Journaling helps a lot with my psychological life-I can get the negative out and re-frame it and I am able to pinpoint areas that need perspective. It is all about perspective!
The relaxation exercise was awesome. Earlier this week I spent some time trying to open my root chakra and as I was reflecting on becoming grounded in my new life I was trying to remember some of the other chakras. The exercise reminded me what they are and also reinforced the root chakra for me. I have had my roots of 24 years ripped out of the ground and I am ready to establish new ones. For now, I will concentrate on the root chakra and work my way upwards one day at a time.
Enjoy your week, may you have many moments of joy and inspiration!
Stacy
Friday, April 2, 2010
Welcome!
Welcome to my blog! Please feel free to visit a while and any comments or suggestions you may make will be greatly appreciated and accepted without judgment.
I just finished a Journey On relaxation exercise which focused on re-directing my blood flow to the muscles of my arms and legs. It was a similar experience to an exercise I do every evening when I get into bed. I used to take sleeping pills for insomnia, I have been plagued with it for many, many years. Last year I was able to stop taking sleeping pills by using this technique that was suggested in the exercise. When I go to bed now I lay in a dead man's pose on my back with my hands laying on top of my chest. I visualize each part of my body resting, relaxing, and falling asleep. I am able to fall asleep within 15 minutes of getting into bed and generally have a peaceful night. The best part, no sleeping pills and no 'hangover' the next day! It quiets the mind and relaxes the body, both of which are needed at the end of a long day.
Enjoy your weekend everyone, I will catch up with you soon!
I just finished a Journey On relaxation exercise which focused on re-directing my blood flow to the muscles of my arms and legs. It was a similar experience to an exercise I do every evening when I get into bed. I used to take sleeping pills for insomnia, I have been plagued with it for many, many years. Last year I was able to stop taking sleeping pills by using this technique that was suggested in the exercise. When I go to bed now I lay in a dead man's pose on my back with my hands laying on top of my chest. I visualize each part of my body resting, relaxing, and falling asleep. I am able to fall asleep within 15 minutes of getting into bed and generally have a peaceful night. The best part, no sleeping pills and no 'hangover' the next day! It quiets the mind and relaxes the body, both of which are needed at the end of a long day.
Enjoy your weekend everyone, I will catch up with you soon!
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