Integral Assessment

First, the universal loving kindness exercise- A still and quiet mind has been a practice I have been trying to develop for well over two years. So much turbulence in my life, I need a quiet and safe place so when I sat down to attempt to develop a loving kindness for all of man kind my mind naturally sought the internal. The new neighbor, a recent divorced mom was screaming at her children again-that disturbs me. I started there and she quieted down. I had to do the exercise with my eyes open instead of closed to break from the natural pattern of internalizing, that helped. I gained insight into this whole idea of universal kindness as I went through a list of people and faces, some that I know and love, some faces I have seen here and there, and some that I have some not so loving feelings towards. "What's the point of universal loving kindness?" Well, Stacy, wouldn't it be awesome to develop a community, a world, that cares and loves the all members? Wouldn't each of us then be able to contribute our gifts, our talents to a greater good for all man kind? To imagine such a community would actually make my situation of the last few years a non-issue, and isn't that where my bitterness keeps gravitating towards? People just don't treat people that way. It was done, not to me, but because of a selfishness, a general disregard for others. So, in this light, I was able to say her name and picture her face and truly believe that if she knew and understood the principles-if she didn't have her own suffering and could cultivate health, happiness, and wholeness in her life then the situation would not occur again. I felt the bitterness dissolve a little more. This is huge for me.

The integral assessment process starts with a still and silent mind and taking inventory of the four aspects of life and determine what needs attention; the psychospiritual, the interpersonal, the worldly, the biological. I have determined to focus on the biological. The main concern I have for myself right now (and what I hear from people that know and love me) is the nutritional aspects. I don't eat much, at all. When I am upset, anxious, and stressed, I do not eat because I am not hungry and it often will make me sick after I eat if something comes along and upsets me. Naturally, this means that the nutrition aspect is connected to the interpersonal and psychospiritual- but I will concentrate on nutrition as the focus. The steps will be easy enough-eat! Buy food and keep it in the refrigerator! I am comfortable with that choice, eating will increase my energy level, regulate my metabolism, and lift my mood. Then I will be able to concentrate and tackle the next step. I liked the step by step instructions for the integral assessment process-it will allow me to focus on one area and yet still see the interconnectedness between all of life. I will check up on my progress daily and see how that works out, my goal for this week will be to hit 1200 calories or so a day.

I would like to add a disclaimer here, for anyone reading this and wondering if I have an eating disorder-I do not. I have had a bleeding ulcer that is aggravated by anxiety and I have trouble keeping food in my stomach. I have been fighting this off and on for two and a half years, I have made big changes that is easing the anxiety (and, as life goes, creating a some temporary anxiety here and there). I can skip eating for a few days and then eat too much of the wrong foods. That is what I want to get control of- the overeating also aggravates the condition. I want to make the best choices daily and eliminate the overeating of the wrong choices.